IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING NICE
By: Adam Gaylord
“I think you made some really bad decisions with this makeup,” the judge of the popular special-effects makeup reality show said. “Your alien’s head is bulbous and lopsided, the color palate of the skin is dull and boring, and the scales don’t make any sense.”
Gartron burst out laughing. He pointed at the view-screen. “Ohh! It looks just like you! Lopsided and dull!” he howled.
“I am going to reduce that planet to ash,” Mal-tor seethed.
“But with as bad as your makeup was,” the judge continued, “your competitor’s was worse. The bright red floppy ears, the monochrome yellow hair, the bad teeth. Your alien looks like a poorly drawn cartoon character.”
Gartron’s laughter stopped. He stood, brushing a lock of yellow hair back behind a large floppy ear.
“I’ll warm up the plasma cannon.”